Figuring It Out
by kmi85
Summary: Cameron tries to figure it out...


Okay, I was totally going to writte something completely different but this ended up forming by itself. One of those 'It's aaaaliveee!' kinda moments.

Anyway, hope you like it.

Enjoy.

* * *

The Connor household was quiet this morning.

Cameron, John and Sarah all sat at the kitchen table discussing possible Skynet crap.

John and Sarah were having breakfast while the Terminatrix drank some orange juice, which, she had decided she liked.

The Connors were immersed in their conversation with only some interruptions from Cameron where she discussed and shared appropriate strategies and plans.

But Cameron wasn't just _thinking_ about her mission. No. In fact she hadn't been thinking only about the mission for a while.

Lately she discovered she'd been having some urges; desires. At first she tried to stop the impulses to do _something_, totally unrelated with the mission. Her mission. She had been scared. Being scared meant she felt. And that was something the Terminators were not supposed to, and more importantly, were not programmed to do.

When the urges kept on going and she couldn't stop them, she started to analyze them. She wanted to know what was making her feel, what was making her react, why thoughts were starting to form in her mind. So she analyzed situations and how she reacted to them. Whether she reacted because something interfered, and ultimately, was related to her mission, or because it was something completely different.

She found out her impulses were stronger around Sarah. So it was safe to say that the cause of her impulses was Sarah.

The woman had from the beginning intrigued and fascinated Cameron. She had come to like Sarah's different reactions and expressions. It didn't matter if she had been the cause of Sarah's fury and anger. It didn't matter if the green-eyed beauty was trashing her around and yelling at her.

She liked to see Sarah's green eyes flare up with love whenever she saw John laugh. She liked to see Sarah's eyes full of determination and courage. She liked to see Sarah's very own soul flash and live through Sarah's eyes.

She liked to watch Sarah's eyes, because that's how close she could get to Sarah's heart.

Cameron had long decided that in Sarah's heart was where she wanted to be.

Maybe that's what humans called love and adoration. She didn't know. She couldn't figure out what she felt for Sarah.

All she knew was that she liked Sarah's presence. She liked Sarah like she didn't like John. She liked Sarah like John liked her.

She longed to touch Sarah. Whenever the woman allowed some contact between them, she basked in the woman's touch. She wanted Sarah to touch her willingly as she wanted Sarah to let her caress her skin. She wanted Sarah to feel for her like she felt for her.

If she didn't know how old the earth was, she would have said that it was created for Sarah Connor. Because all the natural beauty this planet held must had been created for someone as beautiful as Sarah was. She also would have said that all the good emotions in Pandora's Box, were from Sarah's very own heart. She would have said Sarah Connor was a Goddess but Gods were immortal, and she knew how mortal Sarah Connor was.

She thought Sarah was the epitome of strength and beauty, love and grace.

Humanity didn't know, but Sarah was their very Sun and without her they wouldn't survive.

Yes, Cameron thought the earth should revolve around Sarah. If she didn't know better she might have said that it actually did. Because her world revolved around Sarah Connor. Her world was Sarah Connor.

Yet, she cursed her existence. Because her kind brought all the pain and nightmares to Sarah's life. And she cursed humanity even more, for creating the monster Skynet had become. She cursed humanity, because more than her kind it had been humans that brought despair and fear to Sarah's life.

She couldn't understand why humans were so destructive. They have been destroying each other since the beginnings of times.

Their thirst for knowledge she could understand. She wanted to learn as much as she could about everything.

It was their thirst of power she hated. But she was contradicting herself and she knew it. Because knowledge was power.

Yet she was selfishly grateful to have been created because that meant she got to meet Sarah Connor. And she couldn't be more grateful for that in her life.

She only wished Sarah would see herself as Cameron did. She wished people could see Sarah as she did, that Skynet saw her as she did so they wouldn't hurt her.

-

After discussing their plans this morning to blew up an A.I developing facility they got everything ready and left.

The mission had been successful.

It was midnight now. And Cameron found Sarah sitting at the porch stairs looking at the star filled sky,

"I think I love you." Cameron softly told Sarah.

"What? You're a machine, you can't feel." Sarah said standing up and facing the terminator.

"I think I love you." Cameron repeated.

"You can't love Cameron. You're a machine! A tin man." Sarah angrily retorted.

"You make me feel…"

Sarah looked at the terminators confused features. She gasped when the girl tenderly cupper her cheeks.

"You make me feel so much… You make me feel and I'm not supposed to do so… that's how much you make me feel."

Sarah held her breath when the terminator took a step closer and put a hand over her frenetic heart.

"I want to be here, in your heart. I wish yours would beat for me as much as mine beats for you. So hard… so much…" Cameron looked down. "But I'm a machine and you can't love me because you hate me, you hate what I am. And it hurts… in here." Cameron picked Sarah's hand and brought it over her rapidly beating synthetic heart. "It aches and misses beats when I think you could never love me and I feel hollow inside. And sometimes I wish you wouldn't make me feel because I feel so alone and broken. But then I thank that you make me feel because it feel so good to look at you. To see you smile, to hear your voice… to touch you." Cameron said caressing Sarah's cheek before walking away.

"I want you to know that I'll protect you and John, and fight by your side for as long as I can. And if it weren't for John's protection, I would self terminate for you if that'd make you happy. Even though I can't I would find a way. Just as I would if I ever go wrong again. Because my priorities are John and you. No longer determined by a code in my chip, by but my own decision."

The terminator stated before starting to walk away again.

Sarah on her part was mute; aghast. She didn't know what to think, what to say. Here was Cameron, a machine, pouring out her heart for her and nothing had prepared her for this. Not all those years of fighting, nothing had prepared her for this. Never in her life would have she imagined that a machine would feel. _And feel so much…_ She thought.

"I don't hate you." Sarah softly replied.

Cameron stopped when she heard Sarah. She walked the remaining feet that separated her from Sarah.

"How could you not? I'm a machine."

"I don't hate _you_ Cameron." Sarah said looking at the stars.

"Why not?"

"Cuz… you make me feel so much too…" Sarah said smiling weakly. "And I shouldn't, but I do." She said meeting Cameron's gaze.

Sarah saw the girls small smile turn into a big goofy grin. And she couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips in response.

Sarah was the one to step forward this time and cup the girl's cheek.

"So much…" She said before leaning in and capturing Cameron's lips in her own.

Cameron was sure Sarah's kiss caused some short-circuit in her system because her heart beat faster, her skin tingled and she felt something spark inside her.

"Sarah…" She breathlessly said.

Cameron surrendered to her urges and tangled a hand in Sarah's hair bringing the other one to Sarah's hips to bring her closer, initiating a passionate kiss that left them breathless.

They rested their foreheads together before Sarah broke apart taking Cameron's hand and walking her towards her room.

"Make love to me." Sarah asked Cameron when they reached her room.

"Forever." The terminator said closing the bedroom door before engaging Sarah in another searing kiss.

Cameron had figured it out. She loved Sarah. And Sarah loved her back.


End file.
